The Weave Epidemic

I understand… this is a sensitive issue for some, so I’m gonna go easy on y’all… but it has to be raised. In recent years… I’ve noticed that there has been a widespread outbreak of the “weave”?!??! but why has this been allowed to happen?!

Personally, I blame the boyfriends’ becos they should have nipped it in the bud from long time… regulating their girls hair-styles… If only they had the courage to say "NO" When their girl asked "do you like weave??!.. unfortunately, they bottled it and lied. they've been letting it slide ever since... but no, it can't run any longer…

Don’t get it twisted... I’m not totally anti-weave... not talking about “weaves” in general... I got love for the “professional” weave… nice and simple… well done and well maintained… no more needs to be said about these… The issue here… is with the unprofessional weave, the D.I.Y weaves… the poorly maintained weaves... I know you’ve seen’t them too.

Maybe at the start… the “weave” was pretty fly… shiny… silky … it even blew in the wind… but it wasn’t built to last.... over time it was neglected… and started to look frass and smell frowsy… or maybe the “weave” was just perfectly f*cked up from the start…

I’ve seen my fair share of horrible weaves... some have been SO wrong on SO many different levels... perfectly f*cked up… first off… cheap synthetic hair... cheap glue... a blatantly unnatural colour… in the wrong texture… sewn in with too much volume… and after a session of unprotected sleep (without a headtie…?)… tracks all hanging off... the weave is already looking like a wig… damn homey... what the f*ck happened!

If only the weave could talk… it would say “Can’t you see that I’m dusty… and sweated out…? I’ve been poorly maintained… Please, disconnect me from your head, it’s been too long… set me free”... Ladies, listen to your weave!

And boy, I promised not to but I have to mention those… bashment weaves… the type you see exclusively on Channel U’s ‘Fine Wine’… all colourful and extravagant… greens, yellows and purples… looking like a peacock pon your head. These weaves can run ONLY on special occasions like carnival or Jamaican Independence, but they have no place during any other time of year.

My first encounter with weave/hair pieces... was when I was a child… a playful child, some would say I still am… anyway, I remember playing kiss chase or something in school … and tugging at a girls “pony tail”... The “hair” came of in my hands... 100% true story.. scared the life outta me. I still feel guilty to this day… the embarrassment!

Since then I could never understand why anyone would wear something that could be so easily snatched off/out their head. Exhibit A...


Damn, If I had one pound for every time I found a loose “track” (... if that’s what they’re called?!?) in the playground at school…. in raves… or even on the beach in Napa... I’d be ballinnnnnnn… It saddens me when a wild “track” can’t be reunited with its rightful owners. Re-claim your hair, ladies.

Sorry, but it always makes me laugh when one week a chick is struggling to push out a pony tail and then... miraculously… the next week… hip length…. silky…. jet black hair appears from nowhere… looking like a ghetto ass Rapunzel. Who you trying to fool, luv?! I’m no expert, but ladies the key is for it to be believable, not unbeweaveable (sorry... I know... but can’t talk about weave without saying that at least once).

I do understand that it’s hard for a girl... juggling her busy schedule... and finding the time to make sure her hair is on point. Ladies, I'm not knocking it… I love stylish and confident women… so if your beloved weave makes you happy… keep doing it… but remember… keep it maintained…

Anyway, I have formed an organisation dedicated to reuniting weaves to there rightful owners... W.R.U (Weave Recovery Unit).. so if you’re trying to re-locate a lost track, holla.