Resolutions

I really don't know where 2008 went... but New Years is upon us once again... tonight we'll be seeing out '08 and welcoming in '09... and what would the beginning of any new year be without resolutions?

In previous years, my only resolution was to make no resolutions... I've never been big on making promises that I can't keep, whether to myself or others.

But this year, I've been convinced to give it a go, be open minded and that... so here are my resolutions.... in no particular order...

1. Go on at least 3 holidays.
2. Be less harsh on women, they're not all evil.
3. Visit the 'motherland'.
4. Learn how to cook.
5. Get hench.
6. Join the mile high club.
7. Stop being anti-social.
8. Spend more time in church.
9. Watch less porn
10. Try a few new things... wink wink
11. Read more.
12. Be nicer to strangers.
13. Leave the ghetto.
14. Swear less.
15. Avoid falling in love.
16. Be more decisive.
17. Get rich.
18. Learn how to parallel park.
19. Show more love to friends and family.
20. Less time on Facebook.
21. Date older women... 26+
22. Learn how to rap.
23. Stay out of jail.
24. Post at least 10 blog entries a month.
25. Turn 25 years of age.
26. Grow some facial hair.
27. Drink responsibly.
28. Avoid driving related fines and penalties.
29. Stop moaning
30. Less work, more play.

I have no idea whether I'll be able to achieve all of the above, but I'm sure I'll have fun trying...

Anyway, Hope all your NYE plans have been finalised... so whether you're hitting a party, counting down in church or 'chilling at home' like me. Make sure you have a good one.

Happy New Year!!!!

Flashing lights update

The time is 8:45... I'm reporting live from the traffic light awareness course... Whoever said there would be chicks was a bloody liar. I'm surrounded by middle aged men. This is some bullshit, I should have taken the points.

Feedback soon come...

Busy Christmas Eve!!

Good Morning people, I hope (unlike me) you're all set for tomorrow... I foolishly decided to leave everything to the last minute... what a donut! I only have myself to blame... Instead of sleeping like a log for the past 2 days, I should have been out purchasing ish. Looks like today I'm gonna be running around like a headless turkey.

If you do see me out today, don't ask me about my hair... my barber got departed last week... They sent his cl*rt back to Jamaica... This guy has been cutting my hair for the last 3 years... I have 2 options: either grow a 'wild afro' or risk letting some 'wasteman barber' cut my hair... Wild afro it is... until i find a competent replacement.

Anyway, Happy Christmas Eve.

Fiending

Okay... I'm sitting here... looking at my pipe... my shisha pipe.. I've set it up... added the cherry flavoured tobacco... ready to be lit up. I desperately wanna smoke it... but, it's only 12.15pm... I'm thinking that it's way too early in the day to start smoking... plus I am alone... no company... meaning that i'll be 'puff puff' and passing it back to myself.

I feel like a learner crack-fiend... This is how it starts... you start smoking shisha in the morning, on your own... then a few months later... you find yourself smoking crack in an alley somewhere. I ain't going out like that.

Shall I light up or hold out to this evening...?

Liquid Crack

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.... 144 bottles of Supermalt aka 'liquid crack'.

Supermalt to me is what crack is to Amy Winehouse... It's the only reason I own a bottle opener... I've been an addict from childhood... I remember back in the day when Supermalt was strictly for the adults, they try give the kids some mix orange squash... pisstake... anyway, look at me now!

My Pipe

Okay, so late last week, I decided I wanted my very own Shisha pipe... I was told it could be delivered within 2 to 3 days... so I thought cool... and ordered it to my mom's house... I got word that It had been delivered today, so I jumped in my car and made the journey to my mom's to pick it up.

The journey takes me about a 25 minutes... normally, It's quite a relaxing drive, but today.... I was on a hype... listening to funky house... holding the steering wheel with one hand... doing the 'head, shoulders, knees & toes' dance with the other one... i know... highly irresponsible.

I must have been feeling the music a little bit too much because I didn't realise that I was speeding until I got flashed.... I know... again... I'm not bothered though... If it comes through, I'm gonna say I wasn't the driver.... can't tell my mom, cos she'll snitch and then beat me for doing it again.

I get to my moms, collect my pipe... steal some food from the fridge and grab my letters... one of them was confirmation of my place on the 'traffic light awareness' course on the 29th of December... looks like it's back to the classroom for me... atleast I'll be surrounded by fine chicks... cos they are reckless drivers too.

Anyway, for those that want to take a peak at my 'pipe', see below


Isn't it tremendous??!... please note that it's even bigger in person.

Mid-week Madness

I tried to avoid posting this... I tried so hard, but I couldn't help myself... I had to do it..

This video has had 7.5 million views in 10 days. I must admit that I am responsible for at least 100 of those... Remember the numbers don't lie...

Disclaimer: Please don't watch this if you don't have a sense of humour.



What do you think... Is it dumb funny or just dumb?!

I bet the 1 minute 'premature ejaculation' man dem love this ish.... I wouldn't know because I'm not one of them man... I put in the work. Ask about me!

Sick n Tired

I'm going to jump right into this one... no introduction needed. The title says it all.

I'm sick n tired of the horrible weather... I need a holiday ASAP.

I'm sick n tired of random dudes trying to add me on Facebook... don't need any new male friends.

I'm sick n tired of the 'hench homes' in the gym staring at me like I owe him something. We are not the same, homie!

I'm sick n tired of having to share the public transport system with dutty people... I'm tired of 'nose pickers' wiping their boogie on the seats... I'm sick of people yawning, coughing and sneezing without covering their nasty faces.

I'm sick n tired of people printing a logo on any Primark T-shirt, cutting out the Primark label, sewing in their own and calling themselves fashion designers.

I'm sick n tired of raving... I'm sick of bouncers asking me for ID and I'm tired of being told that I can't wear my trainers... then I get into the club and see a load of kids... wearing trainers.

I'm sick n tired of receiving 5 Facebook notifications... thinking atleast one is a girl hollering... then discovering all 5 of them are 'come to my rave' messages!..

I'm sick n tired of Lyle n Scott jumpers... Ladies, if you see one laying around, bin it... do your man a favour!

I'm sick n tired of girls acting like the weave on their head is their own hair... Just because you paid for the hair, doesn't mean it's yours.

I'm sick n tired of my mum asking me when I'm going to settle down...

I'm sick n tired of going out to eat with girls who conveniently go quiet when it's time to pay..... What happened to Ms Independent? What happened to going dutch?

I'm sick of girls saying that all guys are the same... generalisations are bad, even if they are true... and I'm tired of being blamed for 'the pain that was caused by previous cats, who had your heart before me'.

I'm sick of girls acting like they enjoy being single... I'm tired of girls claiming to be 'single by choice', when really... they are desperately waiting for Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet.

I'm sick of SILENT READERS.. reading my posts and not commenting... and I'm tired of those who comment via FB or MSN, instead of on the actual blog... it's all love anyway.

I'm sick n tired of being sick n tired...

Bus Wars Pt 2 (tribal warfare)

I told you about my journeys to and from work and the mad people I encounter on the daily. This is footage filmed on the 21 bus...

Exhibit A...



Feel free to comment... My thoughts to follow, but watch this now!!

Props to CBewry!

Monday Morning Eye Candy

Good morning, ladies and gents... I've been doing this blog thing for a while now... many of you have reached out and shown love... much appreciated, but I have been accused of neglecting my male readers... I've been so focused on 'pleasing' the women that I forgot about the guys.. so this is for you.

Fellas, I'm sure you'll agree that there ain't nothing like some booty in the morning... so take a peek at the below... footage from my home-girl Vixxen's first professional shoot... She's a natural!

Hey girlfriend, if you need a manager holla at your boy...



Smash list candidate? just kidding..

Anyway, If you would like to see more or offer your hand in marriage... check out her Myspace: www.myspace.com/vicky_vixxen

Ladies, if you're looking some eye candy... you're gonna have to look elsewhere because me posting video of next man would be homes... unforgivably homes.