There are two reasons for me writing this post. First, I am tired of writing about head-ties and weave. Secondly, I discovered that an ex of mine is now dating a white dude.. and It has come to my attention that the love of my life and #2 on my smash-list, Kelly Rowland is also dating a white dude...Wait... before I continue, let me throw in a quick disclaimer, "I am not [a] racist, I have white friends.." LOL
Now, we are all familiar with the common pairing, when you think about "interracial dating", instantly an image of a big black guy with a white girl (usually a blonde) pops into your head..
well, recently I have noticed more and more black chicks and white dudes.. Is this the new fashion trend. Now, don't get it twisted, I'm not on a "they are taking all our women" tip, but they are! LOL.
Last year the trend was black lesbians. I attempted to tackle this issue in a post i titled "Les-bi-honest". In the comments someone said -
[Black] men need to ask themselves why females feel the need to turn to other females...this should b a lesson to all fellas to start acting rightCan the same be said about black chicks "new" liking for white men? Are black women turning there backs on black men and exploring their options?
Or maybe they are just getting us back for leaving your ass's for white girls?
I'd like to say that everyone is entitled to happiness regardless of who they find it in. Happiness is primary, race is secondary. but we live in a world were prejudice exists.
Interracial dating is no longer a taboo... and we are heading to the days when everyone will be
Pressure still exists even within black/black relationships, as highlighted in last weeks episode of "The Family"; a fly on the wall documentary that follows the lives of a Anglo-Nigerian family. For those that haven't been paying their TV licence (me included), it can be watched here.
The programme reminded me that, although Afro/Carib relationships are common, there is still a cultural divide and crossing that divide can be like crossing a mine-field, especially if you have "traditional" African parents and your lady-friend is a Ja-may-kan (by the way, if you are black and not African, you are automatically Jamaican).
The majority of the stories I hear involve non-African (Jamaican) girls being treated like they "stole meat from the pot" by their boyfriends African parents, but I'm sure the ignorance goes both ways.... feel free to share your views by commenting.
Luckily my mum is liberal and would not have any issue with me settling down with a Jamaican girl, but i've gotta make sure she doesn't see this video...
Please note: I'd like to thank the readers, commentators, sharers and supporters. FYI, On the top of the right hand column, I have added a "SPREAD THE WORD" feature to make it easy for you to share the link via Facebook, Twitter and E-mail. Please spread the word, I appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
24 comments:
Bro it's a long and deep issue, which needs to be resolved, but to cut the long story short! Men need to fix up by sorting out their career paths & to treat women with more respect & women need to stop blaming all men & putting in 1 box, just cause they got hurt by their x & to stop going into isolation like i'm working more hours and not picking up my phone when any man calls, but will give him my bb unless he looks like Nas or Drake..
I think that some black females are finding it more difficult to find serious black men, bcos they goe to raves and have this stigma about the black male. To find the commitment they are looking for they are becoming more diverse in their search. Really I think its a number of factors, social classes, social circles, background, etc.
Me personally I'm just attracted to black women, but thats due to how I was brought up, the area I lived in and my social circle.
But like lewiboro said Happiness is primary, race secondary.
Mr CTRL+ALT+DEL
im all for integration in society, and i place love and happiness, way, way above race but i have to question a black woman who has "tried" or "can't find" a good black man in a city of 8 million, of which im guessing at least 5% is black men, -that's "400,000 by the way"-
are you tellin me that by your 25th b day you wont have come across at least 10 of these sods who would give you the world of stability, however boring it may be?
ladies need to adjust that check-list of yours, no need to explain how this movie ends otherwise
i also have to give a special mention to the black ladies who dumped a black man for being "too sweet" and replaced him with an equally sweet white guy years down the line, humm!? just sayin..
it goes way deeper than you think, ill now introduce you to a guy named willie lynch, please read on several times if you have to, so as to understand it properly
http://www.finalcall.com/artman/publish/Perspectives_1/Willie_Lynch_letter_The_Making_of_a_Slave.shtml
Controversial...but an issue that needs to be discussed so we can see how both sides feel as usually its just the women who are complaining about the issue at hand.
“They’re all taking our men/women” or “jungle fever” is truly the first thing that comes to mind when you consider interracial dating and marriages. More women are beginning to consider their options not because they feel let down by black men’ in their lives but because times are ticking and you can’t keep putting all your eggs in one basket if its not working out so try something new. But its a risky business as it is true there is too much pressure from friends and family and there maybe under lying issues.
For example a recent issue that I came across in my travels to the home land. I encountered several interracial relationships that were ridiculous (ie 40 yr old American lady with 26 yr old male of Southen African decent) and it took some investigating and talking to a few people to find the result of most of the interracial relationships was the ‘greencard/visa’ factor. Which has made me question every interracial relationship I have come across since. Call me paranoid..some of them may be legit but you do have to wonder sometimes.
“At the end of the day” (I hate using that phrase) we are all human and if your happy that’s all that matters and we shouldn’t judge people or feel pressured by the tacit laws of society.
Maybe the sisters are following the many black men who are dating white and non black women.
The number that often gets thrown around in the U.K is that over 50% of black men are dating non black women. Now I don't know how true this is or if it is propaganda to drive a further wedge between black men and women. But I can see for myself the number of black men you do see with non black women.
Black women have often been the least likely to date out of their race and black men the most likely along with south east Asian women. Perhaps black women are now waking up to the fact that being "loyal" to black men isn't being reciprocated so if you cant beat them join them.
But I can assure you that if black women were dating non black men in the droves that black men do then black men would have a BIG problem with it.
Time to talk da tings dem!
First of all as a Jamaican gyal I cant stand dating an African boy then meeting his parents and to be quite honest I’d prefer not to as they can be rather renk.
Nuff of my gyal dem have received this cold shoulder attitude from African parents who think we are not good enough for their sons.
Okay its tradition for Africans to marry fellow African but come on now that older generation way of thinking need to stop before someone gets a box in der chops.
White boys –
After dating black men for my whole life I am now forced to look pan white boys as possible dating candidates as my black breddas just aint making the grade.
The treatment that black guys feel is acceptable for us nubian queens is crazy, is a complete disrespect and is pushing me into dating outside my race.
Reading Ele's comments is it any wonder African parents react like that? Lol
That video is appalling. Are these people possessed? WTF.
Great blog. Love the way you addressed the subject. You are fearless, You deserve more credit and I will continue to spread the word.
Hmmm..those 'Anonymous' comments look a lil suspect. Did you write them all yourself Lewiboro?
Can I just say, this talk on there not being enough good black men is nonesense. It is the checklist that's making it harder for women, why is there so much for the poor guy to live up to?
I am physically attracted to black men most , but, if an atractive, well-mannered white , spanish, whatever dude , who I CONNECTED with took my fancy, then what the hey It's about being open minded.
Are you 4real? How dare you accuse me of commenting anonymously on my own ish. I am genuinely offended.
Mr Lweiboro has kindly asked me to comment on this post more than likely as I am a British born Jamaican female who has been with my Nigerian partner for the past 6 years.
I actually missed last weeks episode of The Family in question but have heard numerous comments about it. My (or boyfriends) expereinces are nothing comapred to any that was showcased in the show. I have been welcomed into the folds of my Nigerian family with open arms for the simple fact that he loves me and I make him happy. So long as those two boxes are ticked his parents/family support us being together. Our parents have never raised any disapproval or ever made the other feel unwelcome or inferior.
Yes, there is a definate difference in cultures but we both appreciate, respect and embrace one anothers backgrounds. It makes for an interesting an fruitful relationship.
It's more common within our generation to date outside of our own background anyway, for the simple fact that we went to school/college/uni together. Yet there are still 'traditional' African/Caribbean family's who sadly believe that their children should only be with/marry from within their culture given that their chosen spouse 'ticks all the boxes'
The sad truth is you will always come across people who will comment or pass judgement based on the fact that there are cultural differences but I truley dont believe it doesnt matter.
Soon to be Mrs A x
I was moved by your comment "So to be Mrs A". Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Hope I get an invite to the wedding.
Shut your backside ediat gyal.
You’re the type of gyal who don’t get cock no matter what colour!
P.s thats my tune
in te past, it was the responsibility of a man to be the provider in society but today u find most women are the head of the household even when they're boyfriends live with them. most men are not even on the lease. women take on a big role tryin to be a leader and provider for black guys and its a lot of work. women start feeling unaappreciated and that black men aren't tryin enuff to be the man, the provider and a father, so women have come to a new reality... "color doesnt make a difference anymore, why not date whoever is gonna lighten the load whether they are black, white, spanish, or whatever. why not date someone who genuinely just wants to see me happpy."
Thought provoking as always Lewiboro.
I don't think it is fair to say that a woman's check list is what drives them to away from a black dude and into the arms of a white fella. There are plenty of waste white men out there too. Also if a lady decides to date outside of her race then that doesn't mean she is turning her back on anything. She is just exercising her right to choose a partner.
We have always had the opportunity to be with whoever we want to be with but social pressures have always had a great impact on our decisions. I myself have had black male friends make comments if they saw me with a non black dude. In a strange way it can be likened to a guy sleeping with many women but a woman can't do the same (not that I am condoning that in anyway)
But as Lewiboro put it 'interracial dating is no longer taboo'
I think particularly with our generation (under 30's) we all grew up with mixed race peers. So we are more used to it compared to our parents. But even at a young age I was always surprised if the mother was black and the father was white. I always expected it to be the other way around.
I think that many of us have parents that were not born in the country so therefore their prejudices stem from not growing up in the same environment as us. I do believe that as we have our children grow up and start dating we will place less emphasis on race.
I LOVE my black brothers and when this queen is ready, my king will come and I will treat him like the king he is.
I also know the value of my love and how it should be treated. When a man comes along and treats my love as a priceless commodity he will get my time: black, white, pink or green.
A friend of mine said 'Women are protectors of their culture while men share it' I think this is true for the some but now we are seeing that it is ok to open it up.
@Black Supremo, Thanks for the comment. I agree with everything you said. Very balanced and accurate statement of reality.
When I wrote this blog, my aim was to stimulate debate and discussion and maybe challenge some of the views of the older generations.
I find that as human beings, we are very separatist, divides exist within every community, for instance, you would assume that a Nigerian parent would be delighted that their child found a partner who was also of Nigerian heritage, but still there may be dispute if that individual is not from the same tribe or shares different religious beliefs. You cannot win.
So I say, rather than trying to please your parents or society, you should aim to please yourself.
... and from the feedback I've received, a common pattern has emerged.
Apparently, in mixed Afro/Caribbean relationships, it is often the case that the Caribbean family are welcoming, but the African family are hostile and uninviting.
Why is this the case? Have you had any experience of this?
All comments are welcome.
oooOOOOookK On that note...
First of all, I don’t understand why this is an 'ISSUE that needs to be resolved' :S
Second of all, I totally agree that happiness is primary and race is secondary...
Thirdly, If I met a fine non black male specimen who was clean, intelligent and street smart I'd be all his in a shot!
The thing is, I've been thinking this way QuiEtLy for some time… There is no pressure from my family as they would rather see me with a pasty white boy than a black guy who makes me unhappy.
NO it's not a fashion trend, it's an example of people adapting to their environment and making life and love, work for them.
I do not think that non black boys have all the answers, or that they are any better than black men (in fact I know through family that this is not the case) but there are plenty of fish in the see, all different colours and sizes and I'm willing to open my eyes, mind and heart to the special one that swims my way.
In response to the thing about Nigerian mummy's, I have experienced that too but I think you'll find that would be the case if you dated an Asian, Turkish, White, Filipino, Bajan guy even...
Also, I think that white men are now becoming more accessible and easier to identify with (I guess) as of recent, they are being given a more urban appeal in the media??? (just a thought)
Lastly, to even look at this as a tit for tat thing is soooo ridiculous! If I dated outside of my race, it wouldn't be to get back at a black man - that I don’t know - dating a white woman! (*rollseyes* That's their business!) It would be because I was attracted to him intellectually and physically… and the rest...
P.s. that video was hilaaarious, but quite scary… as a female of Jamaican heritage (not a gyal!) quite embarrassing if I'm honest but hey, what ever floats ya boat!
#Thatisall
@Miss K Wayley, It's not an issue that requires a resolution, but I believe it is an interesting topic that is worthy of discussion, besides I thought I'd give the weaves a rest.
I know the BW/MW pairing is not a new phenomena (that's why i wrote it in inverted comma), there are 30 years olds who have a black mother and white father. My intention was not to offend those individuals, but I still feel that the pairing has been somewhat of a taboo and it has been relatively rare (compared to the BM/WW pairing) up until recently.
White men have their appeal - no doubt about it. They are caring, attentive and play less games. I think black women like that they have the upper hand with white men because they are more attractive to them in the same way that black men have the upper hand with white women. (slightly lazy but hey - whatever works)
Can't say I could see myself being with a white man for life, there's just too many cultural differences. I would like to be able to cook for my man and him not have to ask me what it is, or how spicy it is.
I think Kelly used to have an abusive BF right? and he was Black? So I'm not suprised she's gone for a man that will treat her like the princess she is and not get too big for his boots. We all like drama free lives but being black seems to be synonomous with drama...
Loving this line - if you are black and not African, you are automatically Jamaican (so true!!)
Well done T, nice blog
Glad you're back to blogging again (even if it's just for the time being).
I think the issue is pretty complicated and the likelihood is black women have varying reasons for choosing a white partner. Maybe they don't feel there's so much of a stigma anymore, or maybe they've given up hope on finding the 'right' black man. Some may just have no interest in men of their own race.
There is also the possibility (and I know a couple of women who fall into this category) that some women feel that the black men around them are so caught up in the westernised idea of beauty, that they wouldn't be interested in them, so they find a man who is - he may just happen to be white.
Personally, I don't see myself going down that route anytime soon. But, you never know who you may end up having that connection with.
I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is -- -- Mixed Connect . c O m --- All singles there are seeking interracial dating or relationships. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!
Firstly glad your back :)
Secondly, it depends on the family of *both* sides. Alicia Keys' video for 'unthinkable' shows this perfectly!
Most people I know are more accepting of a mixed race relationship. Depends on how old fashioned they are and how they were raised too.
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